Q: I have a friend who is incredibly selfish. She never asks me about my life or my feelings and seems only to want to talk about the shoes she just bought or the makeup colors for fall. She’s the kind of person who won’t chip in the extra few dollars to cover the check, even though she’s ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. I’d like to stop being her friend, but I don’t know how. What do I say to her?

A: What a bummer! I think we all have one friend that fits this bill but why do you put yourself in the same situation over and over again not having addressed this, for the frustration? How can you be surprised by her actions if you haven’t told her your feelings and hurt you’ve become? If she’s unaware this bothers you, it will continue, even more so if she doesn’t want to change once she is faced with it.  I have a feelings she’s been like this all along. We choose our friends for various reasons: to fill a need, to learn from and hopefully, to grow independently. In this case,your expectations for your friendship have not been met and it’s now a problem for you, or have you changed in some way since you became friends? Understanding yourself  will ease some of your stress and help the needed conversation between you two, if you think it would change her behavior .  My advice is not to break off the friendship but to limit the time you spend with her and forgo any meals where bill splitting demands and seek some new friends who are less self centered and more aware!

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