Q: One of my best friends desperately wants to get married. She’s getting set up on blind dates, signing up on online dating sites, calling up old boyfriends and she even cut off all her hair thinking she needed a new look. Unfortunately, her efforts aren’t paying off and she’s really depressed and difficult to be around. I’ve tried to give her advice and have told her that finding a partner would be a nice plus, but her expectations of marriage after a few dates is unrealistic. Now she’s upset with me, what’s a friend to do?
A: This is a classic case of the more you try to make something happen, it won’t. You can never force love, marriage, or friendship. It has to evolve in its own time. She’s upset because she knows you’re right. I applaud you for being so diplomatic because what she’s doing is a major turnoff for any guy who comes near her. Telling her to get a life is a bit harsh, but it’s the truth. I suggest helping her understand why she is placing such urgency on being married. There seems to be something deeper going on there and I bet it’s a fear of not finding someone seeped with low self-esteem.
Only when she’s able to deeply connect and respect her truest self and true beauty that the chance of a good man will come along. Healthier to let go to faith that all is exactly the way is should be while she allows time to get her “house” in order. From there all good things flow!