Can you achieve happiness without self esteem?

Posted at Wed Feb 27 2008 05:52 AM

Can we really care outside of ourselves (our family, children, the environment) if we are body obsessed and possess poor self esteem? Would love to hear what your feelings are here.

Posted at Wed Feb 27 2008 05:53 AM

I know the more I obsess about my body, the less other stuff I get done! I have to make sure I use my energy wisely, spending the proper amount on my body, but also not using too much energy there, or else I have no energy left for the rest!

Posted at Wed Feb 27 2008 06:11 AM

Can you achieve happiness without self-esteem?

I don't believe you can. How can happiness be your reality if you can;t be comfortable in the skin you are in?

What do we have to offer if all that is inside is poverty of the spirit?
Where is our measuring stick? Who are we comparing ourselves to that we are coming up so short? Whose body image are we putting on a pedestal?

This is my body, the only one I've got, the one that I'll have for the rest of my life--but it is only a vehicle to accomplish the works of my spirit; imparting hope, encouraging strength, challenging obstacles--and the size of my butt has nothing to do with my ability to give/receive hugs.

So,no, I do not believe that we can really care outside of ourselves when we are body obsessed and possess prro self esteem--too much energy being sucked inward, out of other people.

Posted at Sun Mar 02 2008 09:00 PM

I know this might be a stretch here but do you ever feel that all this noise about body obsession has been designed to keep us from really making our mark with ourselves, families and the world? To keep us busy with frivolous things other than the things that really matter, to keep us focused elsewhere and brainwashed so we don't get in the way? Where for those that shake off the guilt-shame ridden cloak are called overbearng, too strong and over board? Just an interesting observation. Almost like giving the Native Americans alcohal to keep them powerless and "in their place" while their land and people are ripped away from them year after year. Where we are relentlessly subjected to the diet and cosmetic related industries to keep us hyper focused and mentally chained to our image, taking us out of others hair and hush, hush, making the very few, flithy rich.

Posted at Tue Mar 04 2008 04:50 AM

Do they come in emerald too?

I read this: "In recent years, advertising has made enormous gains in portraying women as strong, independent, and intelligent." and decided I must address it:

As a mother and a wife, I spend an inordinate amount of time standing in line at the grocery store. This allows me to peruse various and sundry opinions about how I can find extra time in my day, what I should be doing with that time, and how I should look while doing it. If advertising agencies want me to believe that they see me as strong, independent, and intelligent, why are they trying to sell me a pearlized tampon? Because I want to feel pretty and glamorous while attending to a basic female function? My independence is supported with articles named "Five Moves in Bed That Will Blow His Mind!" and "Lonely? How to Find Your Perfect Mate Over the Zuchinni!" According to most of the magazines and commercials today, I don't know how to diaper a baby, make macaroni and cheese, or re-size my thighs correctly. As a mother of three daughters, I am keenly aware of how my girls see themselves in the mirror, and how they see themselves in the eyes of the world. It is a constant battle reassuring them that Hillary Duff, Lindsay Lohan, and Jessica Simpson are not good role models when it comes to being a real woman. These girls live in another world where being unnaturally thin and stupid are held in high esteem. I resent the uphill battle I fight daily against the onslaught of "Blast Away Your Butt!" and you'll be happy.

To be fair, I have noticed a backlash against the marketing of "Thin is Beautiful." Publications edited by mostly women such as SELF, O, and SHAPE definitely portray women as strong emotionally, physically, and financially. These magazines offer information that is readable without being condescending, and feature ads that picture "real" women. More emphasis is placed on women as breadwinners instead of just caregivers, with columns and articles offering advice on financial security instead of placement settings at a dinner party. These trends began because women were, and still are, getting tired of being relegated to the kitchen and bedroom. Sure, I can enjoy putting together a gourmet meal, but I can also debate about the war in Iraq, or the effect that Hurricane Katrina will have on our economy.

It's about time that we realize that "The Stepford Wives" isn't just a movie; it is a mindset that needs to be changed. The more we see women like Oprah Winfrey, Suzie Orman, Emme Aronson, and Dr. Christianne Northrup breaking down barriers of Barbie-doll thinking, the more advertisers we will see wooing us with intelligent offerings instead of pearlized ones.

Posted at Wed Mar 05 2008 11:57 PM

I'm with you! Those are the magazines I usually pick up, because the others make me too angry.

Have you read Figure magazine? It's geared toward plus size women. It used to have mostly clothing from the 3 stores that sponsor them: Lane Bryant, Catherine's and Fashion Bug. They are still featured and have great clothing and accessories, but due to reader demand Figure has started featuring other plus size clothing designers as well.

Figure is also good about using various sizes of us plus gals, not just the size 12's. They have wonderful articles on a variety of subjects, including women who make a difference in their communities and the world.

There used to be a couple of other good magazines, Mode and Grace, but those are no longer in print. I wish someone would start them back up again.

I'm glad there are periodicials out there such as Self, O and Shape, so the naturally size 8 woman doesn't automatically feel she has to get to a size 2 or 4, either. It benefits all women, thankfully!

Posted at Thu Mar 06 2008 01:30 AM

Hmm... this is an interesting question. I don't think you need to have a positive body image to feel confident. But I think you need to give into your fears and try new things which in turn builds confidence. You know that whole close your eyes, take a breath and take a step forward mentality. Doing brings about confidence while hiding nurtures insecurity. (says the agoraphobe in the making)

Posted at Wed Apr 09 2008 03:47 AM

My hubby and I have been going through this issue intensley for the last couple of weeks. I have been overweight all my life. When I look in the mirror, I hate what I see. I hate getting dressed, when I see myself "dressed up" I still just feel like a fat woman trying to look nice. I look at Emme and how BEAUTIFUL she is and how nice plus size models look, they might be 'large' but they do not have the rolls of blubber everywhere like I do. My hubby says that I am selfish when at the end of the day, I can't be thankful for the things I have, but complain because of my size. That I am so focused on myself now, that I'm actually having panic attacks when I have to go to a place where I don't know anyone there, that i don't see where I could be of support or guidance to someone else, but I'm so worried they won't like me because I'm "fat" I won't reach out. I see his point, I even argued he doesn't understand what it's like to hate yourself and what you see every day...but in the end he is right. I'm still working on this, it's a struggle, but I do think they go hand in hand. I would have (and have had) more confidence, when I felt better about myself. Just my two cents.

Posted at Fri Oct 17 2008 01:29 AM