Emmestyle

You asked. She answered. Our wonderful Emme-supermodel, superperson- helps you size things up and cope all the way around.

Q: I have two young sons, one in second grade and the other first. We've recently learned that the older boy has a slight learning disability. While it is treatable, it will cause him stay back a year and drop into brother's grade. My sons are best friends, but they are also very competitive. I am anxious about how they will react to suddenly being classmates. How should I handle this?

A: Sit both of them down and be up-front about what is going to happen. The fact that they're best friends will only help the adjustment period. Competition is not necessarily bad; it might actually help them both excel. Make time to listen to each of them separately and be mindful of their feelings. Also, encourage them to continue their 'old' friendships at school in order to maintain their identities. After a few short weeks, you will be surprised at how well your children have adapted.

Q: My best friend from high school is getting married and has asked me to be her maid of honor. At 14, we promised we would be the maid of honor in each other's weddings. We grew apart, however when we went to college on different coasts. I would love to attend, but I don't really feel comfortable being part of her ceremony. Do you have any advice for me?

A: To some, being the maid of honor is the highest form of compliment. Your friend must feel that you are still a very special person in her life, so why don't you give her the benefit of a good chat and see what's up? If you still don't feel comfortable with the position, you've got to be straight with her. Think carefully before you decide--a childhood friendship is precious, and you certainly don't want to hurt her feelings or make a decision that you will end up regretting.

Q: I work at home, which is wonderful except for one glitch-phone solicitors. I've made several attempts get my name off their lists, but had little success. I am tempted to ignore the phone during the day, but would then run the risk of missing an important call. How can I get these salespeople to stop bothering me?

A: Get a business line and do not answer your home line during business hours. You can write this expense off when tax time comes around, and it will keep matters of business, well... business. If you can't afford to get an additional phone line, respond to those annoying callers by telling them you do not take phone solicitations and insisting that they take your name off their list-recent federal legislation requires them to do so. Be firm, don't let them get to you, and good luck!

Q: I am a 25-year-old woman who married her high school sweetheart. We have recently started family, and I gained quite a bit of weight with my two pregnancies. I've been trying to come to terms with my new figure, but my husband has been anything but supportive. I have gone from a size 14 to a size 20, and he constantly makes very hurtful, disparaging remarks about my weight. He has been downright verbally abusive calling me every name under the sun-and has even started to say these mean and disrespectful things in front of the kids. I have begged him to stop, but he won't relent. What can I do?

A: Girl, there is no time like the present to find your voice and use it! Don't ever let anyone put you down. Understand that when people act this way it is because they are feeling pretty bad about themselves. These remarks have more to do with your husband than you; you just happen to be the target of his negativity. Firmly tell him that his comments do no one any good. If he doesn't want to hear what you have to say, give a domestic abuse counselor a call. Your husband may not be hitting you, but abuse occurs in many ways-physical, verbal, financial, and emotional. For your children's sake, don't let your husband's low self-esteem dilute two of the most essential things they can have in life-love and respect.