Emmestyle

You asked. She answered. Our wondelful Emme-supermodel, superperson-helps you size things up and cope all the way around.

Q: Recently, my employer told me that I wasn't "appropriate to deal with clients," and wouldn't I feel better and look better for clients when I lost weight? How do I deal with this? How do I deal with an employer who tells me:"Sometimes when we hide our weight, we don't always do a good job of it, do we?"

A: Boy, you must love going to work every day! Wirh a boss like that, I'm surprised you haven't sought peace and just quit. This is one of your options, you know: Leave on the basis of discrimination and slap the company with a lawsuit. However, you can also directly approach your employer and let him/her know how you feel. If the company has a human resources department, you may be more comfortable reporting this to them and letting them confront your boss. Unfortunately, we live in a society that promotes a Thin Is In mentality, and until we raise our voices and exercise our options, nothing will change. Size has nothing to do with job performance.

Q: I've always been self-conscious about my weight. I grew up in a male-dominated household, where sexist comments were common. As a result, I often hid my body under large clothes to ward off unwelcome attention from men. The problem is that I now find it difficult to meet men! I think that I am attractive; however, my taste in clothes has the effect of keeping me hidden from the male species. Do you have any ideas as to how I might begin to change?

A: Girl. .. it's time to shed the old and bring on the new. Men are just waiting for you to break out of your shell. Large women are no different from their smallersize sisters-we all want to enjoy our sensuality. Why not start by wearing a sexy undergarment (that fits and feels really comfortable)! Sexy is a state of mind, and there's nothing better to boost one's ego quotient than slipping into a lacy teddy. Just goes to show that what's underneath is always important. The fun of building our self-esteem these days is that we have choices-clothing being one of them. Clothes don't have to be clingy to be provocative. If you want to turn heads, you need to be creative and mindful of your shape. Why not choose something that has a little color? It will add spice and help you feel special. Have fun with it and your personal style will evolve. You're on your way!

Q: I'm slightly heavier than my boyfriend, but athletic and in better shape. I outclass him at tennis and, despite his being taller, I easily pin him whenever we wrestle. He's not bothered by my size, but is upset that I am stronger than he is. I enjoy being competitive and always play to win. I feel being strong is a good thing, but I do worry about his pride. I can't see myself just letting him win, and I don't want to abandon the "love tussles" I enjoy so much. How can I stay true to myself without hurting him?

A: I can understand your point. We're dealing with a man's ego here. It must be hard for him to have his girlfriend pin him. The good news is that he's told you how he feels. Sounds like your lines of communication are open, and that's wonderful. Be creative. Come up with ways in which you both can feel strong and empoweredand still have fun. Everybody wins this way. He's lucky to have such a strong and sensitive girlfriend who cares.

Q: Lately I've been thinking that it would be a good idea to start some kind of fitness program, but because I am a size 22, I'm too embarrassed to try to jog or play tennis or exercise at a gym. I can only imagine the pitiful and disgusted looks I'd get if this body showed up at their clubs packed into spandex like pork in a sausage casing. Any suggestions?

A: A fitness program is a great idea. The fact that you are considering going to the gym is commendable. What are you waiting for! Remember, you do not have to prove anything to anyone. The best part about getting fit is having fun, so it's important for you to feel comfortable in the process. There are so many clothing options available now for the gym ... no more sausage casings for this girl! Get an outfit you feel good in and hop to it!

Q: I am a 32-year-old male and I find that because I'm slim, women a size up have a difficult time thinking that I'm interested in them. I once dated a woman who was so self-conscious about her size that even though I told her a million times that it didn't matter, she never believed me. Any hints on getting the word to a woman that her size is not important?

A: It must have been extremely frustrating to have your feelings rejected. We all need to find ways to validate ourselves that have nothing to do with our bodies. So let's place our emphasis there. Men and women feel pressure when it comes to choosing a partner. Generally, women feel they should find a mate who is big and strong. Men feel they should find a woman who is smaller than them. But love and attraction come in all shapes and sizes, crossing all boundaries. You cannot teach someone this unless they are open and ready to accept themselves. Hang in there. There are self-assured women out there :is who are just waiting for a guy like you.