Emmestyle

You asked. She answered. Our wonderful Ernrne-superrnodel, superperson-helps you size things up and copeall the way around.

Q: I am 24 years old and have been fullfigured all my life. I'm just now beginning to come out of my shell. Life is short and I need to start enjoying it. The one thing that I've always wanted to do is go on a cross-country road trip. I've always wanted to check out famous nightclubs. The thing is, I am a small-town girl who's almost too shy to even go to local clubs. And I've heard that at some of these clubs you have to wait on line for hours, and then they only let you in if they like the way you look. So do I even bother trying? I don't want to make a fool of myself. I want this trip to be the start of good things and the end of feeling insecure.

A: Yes, life is short. You have the world at your fingertips, and you sound like you'te ready to go! Realizing that you may be a little shy is half the battle of coming out of your shell. Hey, you just might meet your handsome prince ar one of those £'lncy clubs-maybe you'll meet him on one of those long lines! Start packing your bags.

Q: I am a 41-year-old, size 22 woman. I work at a school lunchroom for grades 4, 5, and 6. The large-size prejudice is alive and well with preteen boys. I hear nasty comments about their larger classmates and myself. I'm a big girl and can take care of myself, but how do I educate these young bigots to "see" the person not the size? Or is it a waste of time at their age?

A: Absolutely not! This is the age to begin addressing discrimination. We all can learn from this. What these boys don't know is that their remarks actually reveal the negativity that they feel about themselves. When I lecture to kids about body image and self-esteem, I ask, "What is being said at home about respecting others?" Not a lot I gather. I doubt these children understand the severity of teasing. Being made fun of is not nice, and what goes around will come around. We must teach our young to love one another no matter what our size, religion, gender, or ethnic background.

Q: I am so frustrated I could scream! have no problem with being full-figured. My boyfriend says, "No one wants a bone but a dog, and even he likes a little meat on it." And even though he is constantly complimenting me on how sexy I look in my clothes (and out of them), I feel like I'm in fashion hell. Everything I own looks matronly. I'm 26 years old, and I'm just dying to wear nice, casual clothing, knockout after-5 dresses, and sexy lingerie. Do you have any suggestions?

A: This is a case of "dress distress." Your boyfriend sounds wonderful. Keep him. As far as your wardrobe goes .... You need to develop a personal style and pinpoint what your body shape is. Before you go out on a shopping expedition, look in your closet. Your bedroom closet probably says a lot about how you once wanted to look and little about how you want to look today. Give your old clothing ro charity. This frees up your space and allows room for new outfits. Here are five ways for you to get srarred. I) Check our mannequins in store windows. What looks good to you? Go with their mix and match. 2) Try, try, try things on. (You don't need to spend lots of money; keep your eye out for the sales racks at department stores). Look for fabrics that contain some Lycra. It hugs curves beaurifully, I have dresses, pants, and tops made from it. Talk about walking into a room with a presence! 3) Ask a salesperson for assistance. But here's a trick: If you don't like what the salesperson is wearing, you won't like what they'll pick our for you. 4) There is nothing like new lingerie to make a woman feel sexy and beautiful. Don't forget that what is underneath counts too. 5) Bring a friend who has a sense of sryle you like and whose opinion you trusr. But most of all just experiment and have some fun!

Q: I have been married for six years to a wonderful woman, who I love with all my heart. I want what is best for her and our family. The problem is that her low selfesteem and her insecurities are having a disastrous impact on our marriage. She is upset whenever I do something without her approval. She is so jealous of me, she even accuses me of "cheating" when I visit my mother. I am at my wit's end, and I don't know how much more I can take.

A: Are you leaving your wife out of the planning stages of your life? If that's the case, I would get pretty mad also. However, accusing you of chearing is an issue that has to do with trust. Every couple has to learn how to communicate, how to say what they feel in tones and words that aren't hurtful. That's where a therapist can help you. First though, ralk with your wife ... not ar her. Discuss what your plans are so she is more involved in your everyday life. Tell her that you love her, and that you are willing to go the distance. There is no one to blame. Let your wife know that you want ro live with her and not with someone else ... especially good old Mom!